Loneliness for Fellowship

As of late this has been a very lonely road, Im not sure when the last time I have felt like this has been or how long ago I have gone thrue a season like this. The funny thing is Im surrounded by many people all the time, my beautiful wife, amazing friends and family but all the same it has still been one of the loneliest times of my life, and I believe there is a very significant reason for this. I have been doing alot of training in the last few months for an event we have been working on to raise money and awareness for the Orphans in Africa, and during this training I can often spend anywhere between 5 to 7 hours by myself a day for 5 days a week, getting mentally and physically prepared. This loneliness I feel in my heart I have often compared to the struggles of Paul, and even Jesus. There are things that God has put in the hearts of His special utensil's that often times the only ones who understand it are them and them alone. It becomes a weight that only they bear and a burden only they can truly understand, not because they are more important to God than others absolutely not, but to me because they are the ones who let down there walls to feel the sting of other people's pain, they let it mark them, they did not hide or shelter there hearts from reality, but they embraced the struggles and drank in the terrible injustice of another persons hurt and sorrows, yes I know we are to let Jesus carry our burdens but I also know that Jesus had a constant burden for the people and we are to have His heart towards people as well. It's amazing how brutal Africa has tormented my heart, I often feel overwhelmed by the movies that play in my mind over and over again from what I have seen and how heavy and sick I feel many times walking through the streets of America knowing I can never turn off the comparison switch in my heart. There have been many times in the last 4 yrs when I have not slept because I cannot stop thinking about the more than 50 million orphans in Africa, and if Im honest it's hard for me to talk to someone complaining about there steak not being cooked just right when I have seen kids that have never tasted anything but rice and beans once a day. I'm just being honest. I think about Jesus and the last moments of His life the weight that was on Him and what He knew he had to finish, no one else understood, as a matter of fact the ones closest to Him all went to sleep but in His heart it was concrete and there was no other way. Ive thought about great men like Martin Luther who stood strong through the great test of trial and persevered and changed history. Yes, there has been great loneliness trying to help 50 million children or simply even one, even those closest to me at many times have been the ones furthest away. The more you let it mark you the more your eyes see differently and your heart focuses on others, your views change from other people what was important no longer is and now what wasent is the only thing that is important. You begin to know the fathers heart and all the things we see as "so important" begin to fade away as so temporary and empty. I get on my bike and ride thinking about them, how can we send shoes,soccer balls, toys, clothes, anything, it's always there. I have seen many people that have come back with such a desire to make a difference and sadly within a few weeks it becomes a distant memory swallowed up in the American dream. We cant be those people, once we have seen it we are now responsible for it, weather it makes us alone or not. But i'll finish up with this, it has been a long test for me to keep faith in what God has laid on my heart trying to bring hope to the children by making people aware, especially when there is such a competition with all other things pleading for peoples attention. With this test in front of me I have been fasting and I have noticed so strongly that when I sit down to get alone with God I'm mean instantly I can see how my flesh trys to go watch tv or go outside or just daydream it's a war to get intimacy with God. I was so convicted by this because it tells me that that is what my flesh is used to being feed, and that's what it runs to when I get alone with God if I had been training my flesh more to be alone with God more daily when I go to fast it would be dead to those things and craving the father. While carrying this weight and knowing what God has placed in my heart my one desire has been to known Jesus in His suffering and loneliness. He is not far from me but is familiar with all our sorrows and troubles. This has carried me, knowing that my Savior has for us endured His loneliness so that we could see His ultimate plan and then we could have fellowship and no more loneliness. I pray that in this season it is not loneliness that we focus on but fellowship, that He suffered to bring us, and once we have fellowship we can share it with others. Especially the children.