Content because I now hold tight his Love

It's funny how my last few post have taken me time to really get my thoughts and Ideas into words. I love writing and blogging, it's a great way to share your heart with friends and tell others about what God is speaking to you. But most of all I love the fact of being transparent in where I am at in my relationship with Christ. It let's others know I have rough moments to and it can give them hope as well, even in there season of life. But it all came to me today after alot of prayer and finally admitting to God that I cant deny the way he has created me, rough, wild, but a heart that has become full of compassion, and an unyielding desire to reach those that are lost, those that cant fend for themselves. I remember back in high school I had so many thing's that I wanted to do in life but felt I would never have time because they where such big desires, but at the same time I wanted with everything in me to live life unhinged and unleashed for Christ. My flesh and Spirit where at War, after 5 years of learning the hard way all the things I wanted to do never coming to fulfillment I have finally confessed what is truly on my heart. And have finally given to God what belongs to him, my heart. I did not get the job at the Sheriffs Dept and it is not ironic at all, I was praying for awhile that God if this is not your will make it painfully obvious, well after 3 and a half months of test, interviews, and applications I made it to the last stage and got turned down. Get your hope built up after all that time then get a big NO at the very end. But I thank God for doing that b/c now I know why, I have known fore the past 2 yrs but I have finally said God my desires don't fulfill like your plan does. I have not been content I have been at a Holy Dissatisfaction for a long time now. My heart and my call have been to Africa. I remember the first time I went it was 2 yrs ago and ever sense then I have felt like half of me has been missing, trapped in the little hands and heart's of those beautiful children. I have dreams and thoughts and journal entries and mental movies that play over and over in my mind every single day. I want to make a difference I want to share the love of Christ to them not just by sending money or sponsoring a child, but by going and playing in the mountains with them, holding them in laughter, kicking soccer balls barefooted all day long, and most important giving them Jesus in a tangible way weather through teaching or food or games or whatever anyone needs me to do I am willing. I loved thanks giving this year because as I thought about all the people there my heart was overwhelmed with Joy, my face was filled with smiles, and my eyes could not stop seeing there tears, I must do something. I MUST. Alot of people ask me why do you want to do that what will your wife think, it's not safe, it's not home, you will miss out on so much. I SAY WHEN YOU TRULY REALIZE HOW MUCH CHRIST LOVES YOU AND REALIZE HOW MUCH HE DID FOR YOU, THOSE WHO TRULY FOLLOW HIM WILL EVENTUALLY COME TO A PLACE WHERE THEY SAY I CANNOT DENY HIS CALL, AND I CANNOT RUN FROM THIS I WANT TO DO EVERYTHING I CAN FOR JESUS AND THE KINGDOM, THAT'S WHAT MY LIFE IS MENT FOR, TO GIVE IT ALL BACK TO HIM. Your call my not be Africa it may not be preaching or what the world sees as main stream ministry but if you are a follower of Christ you do have a call, and I pray that you fall in love with his voice and head to it, cherish him, and leave this temporary that we chase and run with everything towards his eternal. There is nothing greater nothing more powerful and nothing worth more than Christ and Jesus Christ alone. He Love's you he wants everything from you so that he can give you the best and take from you what you thought was best, I dont understand everything for that matter much of anything but I do know that his ways are higher than ours and his love for us surpasses all understanding. The only way I have ever found peace is in his will , outside of that I have always been discontent and restless. But when I have laid aside myself and run into his arms there is no greater peace, no greater feeling of being content, and most of all a Love that can only be understood and felt from the arms of Jesus Christ.